First post of 2018, whuddup my friends?!
I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday season and a happy new year! The holidays for me were just what I needed, and to be honest, I was a little bummed at how fast they flew by. All of the sudden January was here, and I started working full-time for just one company again (instead of stringing together multiple sources of income- some people can do it, others like me get too overwhelmed!).
Like a few of you know, I went full-time for a wonderful company, Mikey’s, and I’m loving every minute of it. I love that I’m being treated like an adult, that I get to create and be responsible for my own projects, my own initiatives. I love that Mikey and the team trust me and know that I can do a good job. I love that I get to work from home instead of sit at an office desk (sorry, but the office life is very much not for me). I love that I get to content create and flex my pun machine a little extra per day. Most of all, I love that I get yet another outlet to connect with all of you and spread some love and light through this fantastic company. The people are what makes a brand, I feel, and these guys are legit.
So that makes for a quick update on all that’s been going on with me! I’m trying to keep up with the bloggity blog, Instagram, family/friends, and starting my prerequisites at the end of the month. Let me tell you, new routines are bound to come with hiccups, and I’m experiencing a few every day, but that comes with the package, right? I trust that I’ll find my new routine and that I’ll love it.
. . .
Which brings me to what I really wanted to write about today: intentions. I know, I know, everyone and their mother has talked about this already, but it’s never too late to set your intentions. I always feel like the new year is such a beautiful time to do it. You get to reflect on how much you’ve grown over the last year, what you liked, what you didn’t, and how you want to proceed into the next year. How is that a bad thing? 2017 was a lot of change, a lot of moving parts that involved letting go and adding on. 2018 will be a good year. It will be a year to settle into those changes and make space for roots.
Many don’t like making resolutions anymore, and some still do but don’t know how to succeed. I personally love January 1st now, but I didn’t always. In past years, many of my resolutions were weight-loss focused. As I’m writing this, I actually remember the night of January 1, 2008 so specifically because that was the night that told myself I would finally lose weight, which was actually the start of my battle with anorexia…but that’s not what I want to talk about today.
Today I want to talk about how I’m not setting my intentions for weight loss. How instead, I’m setting my intentions for a slew of personal goals that have no benchmarks or end prizes. They’re just tools to get me to love me from the inside.
The main one I want to talk about for this post (because anything else would be considered a novel at this point haha!) is:
Not self-care, self-love. I think self-care is a wonderful practice, but to be honest, I never really took to it. Many of the “self-care” techniques always felt too external to me. I’m doing things to the outside that are supposed to affect me on the inside, but for me, my inner voice was just too loud.
I’d take a bubble bath, but my mind would be criticizing my body, my stupid second toe that’s slightly longer than my big toe, or how I should be doing something productive and I don’t deserve to just be sitting here. Or I’d say turning on Netflix and watching a show was self-care, but then I’d also whip out my phone and not even get to zone out during the episode (which wouldn’t have helped me anyways) because I was too busy zoning out on my phone.
So for self-love, I’m turning inwards. As Dr. Joe Dispenza, our thoughts shape our reality. You can have the most perfect life on the outside, but if your thoughts are self-deprecating and negative, your life is going to feel like a living hell. And my head can definitely feel like a personal hell.
I am in the process of finding my favorite affirmations, writing them on stickies, and sticking them around the apartment. I also chose to write five things that I love about myself- both external and internal- that I stuck to my mirror. Every time I see this note, I have to look myself in the eye and repeat it out loud. It feels really damn hard and I absolutely hate it at times, but I also love it because I know I’m breaking down barriers. I’m breaking down walls that have been up for 23 years, walls that had no business being up in the first place.
Another way that I’m practicing self-love is no food shaming. This is actually an intention all on its own, but I really feel it’s necessary to share today.
I’m never one to food shame someone else (you can see my rant on my saved stories on Instagram) because, like those walls that were up, I have no business doing so. I don’t know your personal story, I’m not your doctor, nor your dietitian, nor your therapist, so I have no right telling you that doing Whole30 is wrong or going paleo is a sin or cutting out sugar is disordered. I stay in my lane, just like I would never want any one to pick on how I eat. But for some reason, that stupid little E.D. voice stuck around in my head and has been the hardest thing to beat out of all of this. In 2017, I felt guilty a lot of the time for eating what I did. Sometimes I would feel guilty that maybe I didn’t eat enough and people will judge me or call me restrictive, and other times I felt guilty for eating too much, as if someone would think I was a pig or glutinous or unhealthy.
I should not have felt guilty in any scenario of eating ever. No meal, no snack, no bite of food should have ever been accompanied by guilt, and yet there were many moments I can recall that were.
So in 2018, I will not under any circumstances food shame myself. I will treat myself like I treat others: with the utmost respect and love. Before 2017, I never, ever, in my history of living nourished my body like I do today. Why should I feel guilty about that? I love eating whole foods. I love filling my plate with beautiful micronutrients that make me feel the most alive I’ve ever felt. I also love listening to my body. I love eating when I’m hungry and stopping when I’m full. I love having the ability to take seconds if I want to because the first round wasn’t enough or that dish that Jared’s mom made was just so dang good, I need another helping! I love also respecting when I’m full, satisfied, and comfortable, and don’t want another bite. I love respecting myself enough not to worry that someone else thinks I’m eating too little or too much. I don’t owe anyone anything.
Yes, I will slip up- I’m human. But knowing that I have these guidelines and goals in mind, knowing that there’s a beautiful feeling of contentment and pure happiness when I relinquish these past fears and criticisms makes me all the more excited to pursue these intentions and make sure that I stick to them.
What I want most to come out of this blog in the coming year is love. Love for you, the reader, love for others in the world, and love for myself. I want this to be a place of love, acceptance, abundance, and safety. Know that I will never judge you, and I’m so excited not to judge myself. I love each person that comes here and shares his or her light, and I hope to spread my own.
So here’s to a beautiful 2018! We’re in this together, friends.